Saturday, 4 September 2010


Today I managed to sleep for eight hours straight. I feel so much better. I was wondering all the previous days why I was feeling so faint without thinking that I missed a couple of hours of sleep every day. I also dreamt. I can't remember a consistent story from start to finish but I'll do my best.
I was with P. and his father called my phone number instead of his. I picked it up and we talked about random things that should be done. It was a very short phone-call, so later in my dream I felt remorse for not giving him more time to communicate, as if I was thinking for an isolated child that needed people to talk to. I called him and when he responded I thought of the lack of reason for this gesture of mine. I tried to be polite and explain that I had called out of human interest to ask how he was doing, because I had felt that our previous discussion lacked that human aspect. Luckily no one understood it was him I was talking to, otherwise it would have been embarrassing. P. asked me who I was talking to, I lied and he believed me.
Later I saw that somebody had given me a puppy. It was a lovely one. It was very small and fat and it was supposed to be a breed that makes good guards due to it muscular condition and its behavioral pattern. It kept running round the house and hiding under furniture but it was good to me and came to me to hug it. I was carrying it around in my arms and I remember taking it to mother to see it.
I also remember dreaming I was with P. in a family re-union, really crossed and bored and dying to get out of there. I was walking aimlessly around, feeling completely antisocial and not wanting to talk to anyone. P's mom was there and I remember observing her and her sister from behind as they were moving around the place and thinking that they are even shorter than I am. They both wore black clothes. At some point P's mom was sitting on a couch and she asked me to approach her and then she whispered in my ear that she knew why I was feeling like that and that it was ok.

I keep losing money, I lost 11 euros yesterday after a friend's miscalculation in bistro-mathematics, and I am pissed now, not because of the amount, that is small anyway, but because of my stupidity. The calculation sounded profoundly wrong but I did not question it, and I offered to pay for another friend as well, that actually is in a far better financial situation than my current one, and despite of that-or better due to that- already owed me money. I think that none of all the previously said is important. I am just crossed because I am expecting my period within the next three days. I also feel huge. Plus a tummy-ache. I shouldn't see anyone today. I might be dangerous.

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