Sunday 28 November 2010

Not going back

I was dreaming I had not left London decisively but only for a short break, with the intention to go back and search for a job there. I had spent my last day here with P. A couple of hours before the flight, I would go to my house to collect my luggage and he would go meet his sister. I went to my house and tried to make sure I didn't let anything behind, but I kept finding unpacked stuff on the table and the chairs of the living room. I was putting everything in my hold-bag that would get over-stuffed and overweight soon. I departed for the airport by monorail and when I got there, as I was passing through long, futuristic aisles I could not stop thinking how much I wanted to stay. I thought about how much I have missed London, the town itself and my life-style there, even the miserable hours of sundown at three o'clock in the afternoon (where I am now three o'clock is always noon- even during the middle of the winter when the sunset comes at five). I didn't want to leave anything behind and with the given current financial situations my chances of getting a job here were equal to finding a decent one there. I turned and got moving towards the opposite direction while simultaneously I started calling people and announcing my decision. I did not manage to complete any telephone conversation though. I wanted to visit everyone and I was building up the dialogues that would follow, in my mind. I phoned my mom and sister, my friend D and her sister (I wanted to tell her not to go back either- I was also wondering why we weren't going to fly together this time, as we would have to go back in similar dates), my x-boyfriend's house (I wanted to make my relationship public) and of course P. In my dream I could see where everyone was and their reactions when they picked up their phones. D and E where in their living room, one was on the couch and I could see her face while the other was sitting on an armchair and I could she her back. My mom was where I had left her, by the living room table. K's mother was also in her living room and P was sitting on a bench by the seaside with his sister.
The dog wanted to wee and she woke me up with the typical face-wash licks around ten o'clock. I had the impression it was Monday and I was happy to find out that Sunday had not gone by without me realizing it. I might re-design (or destroy completely) my boots now.

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